Two days ago, a few departments from work went to a nearby park for a potluck lunch and some game time... such as the egg toss (which we were out after three tosses) and musical chairs (to the tune of "Moves Like Jagger" and the ladies telling the guys to dance around the chairs). It was a good time and a nice break from the monotony of the workday.
In talking with another coworker during the lunch, she began talking about shoes, in both the literal and metaphorical sense. I'm not sure how it started exactly, but she was saying how sometimes you'll see be at a store and come across a pair of shoes that look really good, fit really well and work for you, but then you have a bit of hesitation to purchase them... and her point was "why? Life's too short. Go grab that pair of shoes and rock the shit out of 'em."
Ok, she may not have said the s-word. That's my embellishment there.
But I got the message, I think. Obviously, you can't just grab any pair of shoes you want. Maybe it's not the right time, whether that's due to financial responsibility or familial obligations. But if you don't have either of those two things stopping you, is it wrong to be a little selfish and self-indulgent? And can it even be considered selfish if getting that pair of shoes is not to the detriment of anyone?
And so I've been going around with shoes on my mind. Some that are smaller and more easily obtainable - to the point where a tool to get that shoe is on the couch next to me. And other shoes that require a little more preparation, discernment and/or training.
But for now, year 27 seems to be the year that I'm shoe shopping. To that end, TV off, laptop to soon be closed, and study guide to be opened.
Hmm. All that shoe talk sounds gay. So five things I'm looking forward to in October...
5) The Treezy Wedding (because I get to be paired up with one of my best friends, Jo)
4) Jimmy Eat World's "Bleed American" 10th Anniversary Concert!!!
Oh wait. That's technically in September, as it's in two days with Chris... but screw it, I'm super excited about it!
4) Grand Canyon!!!
3) Foo Fighters!!!
2) Bring It On (The Musical)!!!
1) New York!!!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Anthem
I love Switchfoot. And in honor of their new CD coming out today, this post is dedicated to that CD, "Vice Verses". And here is the rocking song that kicks off the disc, "Afterlife". Switchfoot lyrics have a tendency to resonate with me, so when I heard this call to arms for the first time last week, I knew this CD would fast become a favorite of mine.
Every day a choice is made
Every day I choose my fate
And I wonder why would I wait 'til I die to come alive?
I'm ready now, I'm not waiting for the afterlife.
Of course, now I really want to see them in concert in LA in two weeks. Dangit.
But other than that, I'm reminded again to start living - to not just survive, but to thrive. Okay, I'm quoting from another new song of theirs. Anyways, now to figure out plans.
Every day a choice is made
Every day I choose my fate
And I wonder why would I wait 'til I die to come alive?
I'm ready now, I'm not waiting for the afterlife.
Of course, now I really want to see them in concert in LA in two weeks. Dangit.
But other than that, I'm reminded again to start living - to not just survive, but to thrive. Okay, I'm quoting from another new song of theirs. Anyways, now to figure out plans.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Untitled.
I'd been meaning to update the old blog, seeing as how I went from Active in August to Slacker in September... it wasn't intentional, and it wasn't that I've been super crazy busy lately either. Although I think part of it is the general feeling of unexcitement that has come with being back at home again, and feeling like it's slowly sucking the life out of me.
But it's to the blog I come when I need to get some thoughts out - that's what it's here for, regardless of who ends up reading this.
My grandma died yesterday, of old age. And to be honest, I'm not really sure how I'm processing it. If you don't know, the vast majority of my family is in the Philippines, save for a few first cousins who live abroad, and I've yet to visit my parents' homeland or meet my family. But this was my last living grandparent - my maternal grandmother.
I still remember when my maternal grandfather died. I was a teenager, we were living at the condo in El Cajon, and I remember my mom getting the call at night. I remember going downstairs when my mom had just gotten off the phone and she told us that her dad had died... the impression I get is that they fell under the stereotype wherein daughters are closer with their fathers. I know for her it was hard. She hadn't been home since before I was born and also wasn't able to fly over there to attend the funeral.
As for me, I guess I feel the same way now that I felt back then. I'm sad that I never got to meet them, and I'm sad for my mom's loss. But I have no meaningful memories or interactions with them, and it would feel disingenuous to say I'm going to miss them (because how can I miss what I never experienced)... so in some ways I feel unaffected. Which then makes me feel bad about feeling unaffected.
I'm pretty sure I'm the only grandkid that they've never met. Granted, my mom is one of 14 and my dad is like one of 8, so there are plenty of grandkids around there, but still. I don't have any recollection of having spoken to my grandfather, but grandma always wanted to talk to me whenever she and mom were on the phone. Though hard of hearing at her age, she still knew enough English to speak to me. Whenever we did talk, it was basically the same thing. Asking how school was. Telling me she wished my family could come to the Philippines so she could see me. Telling me that she prays for me and that her dream for me was to become a missionary doctor. I know she meant well, but to be honest, it got kind of tiring after awhile. My mom understood though, whenever I'd balk at having to get on the phone... she knew what grandma was like. Mom loved grandma, but I'm pretty sure I remember that she called her bossy. I'm sure it was in the well-intentioned and loving way though.
Anyways - my parents have fortunately been able to go back home three times in the past 6 years or so. I think it helped to lessen the blow that they got to spend more time together after spending so long apart previously (it was at least 20 years from when they first left). Plus when mom went back last year, grandma told her to not worry about coming back if she passed away. But still, mom is preparing to leave on Friday and will be gone a week. And I'm glad she'll get to say goodbye this time, unlike when grandpa passed.
As for me, I guess writing my thoughts out helps. Without anyone to really talk to lately (at least in a way that's been meaningful for me, like with Diana or Jo), I've just been keeping everything inside - big and small, relevant or otherwise. I may feel incoherent and uncertain, but I think the process of writing this entry has helped me say to goodbye in my own way.
Rest in peace, grandma. I know I may not fulfill your dreams for me, but I hope someday I make you proud.
But it's to the blog I come when I need to get some thoughts out - that's what it's here for, regardless of who ends up reading this.
My grandma died yesterday, of old age. And to be honest, I'm not really sure how I'm processing it. If you don't know, the vast majority of my family is in the Philippines, save for a few first cousins who live abroad, and I've yet to visit my parents' homeland or meet my family. But this was my last living grandparent - my maternal grandmother.
I still remember when my maternal grandfather died. I was a teenager, we were living at the condo in El Cajon, and I remember my mom getting the call at night. I remember going downstairs when my mom had just gotten off the phone and she told us that her dad had died... the impression I get is that they fell under the stereotype wherein daughters are closer with their fathers. I know for her it was hard. She hadn't been home since before I was born and also wasn't able to fly over there to attend the funeral.
As for me, I guess I feel the same way now that I felt back then. I'm sad that I never got to meet them, and I'm sad for my mom's loss. But I have no meaningful memories or interactions with them, and it would feel disingenuous to say I'm going to miss them (because how can I miss what I never experienced)... so in some ways I feel unaffected. Which then makes me feel bad about feeling unaffected.
I'm pretty sure I'm the only grandkid that they've never met. Granted, my mom is one of 14 and my dad is like one of 8, so there are plenty of grandkids around there, but still. I don't have any recollection of having spoken to my grandfather, but grandma always wanted to talk to me whenever she and mom were on the phone. Though hard of hearing at her age, she still knew enough English to speak to me. Whenever we did talk, it was basically the same thing. Asking how school was. Telling me she wished my family could come to the Philippines so she could see me. Telling me that she prays for me and that her dream for me was to become a missionary doctor. I know she meant well, but to be honest, it got kind of tiring after awhile. My mom understood though, whenever I'd balk at having to get on the phone... she knew what grandma was like. Mom loved grandma, but I'm pretty sure I remember that she called her bossy. I'm sure it was in the well-intentioned and loving way though.
Anyways - my parents have fortunately been able to go back home three times in the past 6 years or so. I think it helped to lessen the blow that they got to spend more time together after spending so long apart previously (it was at least 20 years from when they first left). Plus when mom went back last year, grandma told her to not worry about coming back if she passed away. But still, mom is preparing to leave on Friday and will be gone a week. And I'm glad she'll get to say goodbye this time, unlike when grandpa passed.
As for me, I guess writing my thoughts out helps. Without anyone to really talk to lately (at least in a way that's been meaningful for me, like with Diana or Jo), I've just been keeping everything inside - big and small, relevant or otherwise. I may feel incoherent and uncertain, but I think the process of writing this entry has helped me say to goodbye in my own way.
Rest in peace, grandma. I know I may not fulfill your dreams for me, but I hope someday I make you proud.
Monday, September 5, 2011
It's Cool, Man...
[I'm stealing this format from a friend and her "Perfectly Acceptable Ashley" series of blogs.]
It's cool...
...to loudly bump some new rap music that I'm into while leaving work and not caring what the smokers outside or other passersby think. Or shoot, I'll even be in the grocery store with my headphones in grooving down the aisles to the new Lupe Fiasco (specifically "Letting Go")... this takes me back to when Outkast's "Hey Ya" first came out and I was driving around in my truck with the windows down, trying to be all "bad ass".
...to get a laugh from a voicemail I got from a gay guy I know who seemed to have taken an interest in me for some reason, even though I clarified that I don't swing that way but still tried being a nice guy for the most part. But because I apparently offended him (not on purpose), I was dismissed with the following gem of a quote: "...the rice cooker [insert dramatic pause] is off." WTF... I didn't know I landed in some reality dating show. Hahaha...
...to provide a link to an author's blog because his experience is something I completely relate to as a former heavy kid who still has a hard time letting go of that mindset sometimes. But as he says, "It’s true we impress people with our supposed perfections, but we connect with each other in our flaws." That Donald Miller is a cool guy. http://donmilleris.com/2011/08/26/learning-to-love-your-flaws/
...to still be daydreaming about moving out to Chicago someday and thinking about ways to make it happen. I always thought I'd settle in San Diego, but that was before this travelphobe got a taste of life in another city and found it more vibrant and beautiful than he expected. Granted, it's only been one city, and I could just be in the "honeymoon" phase still, but my eyes have been awakened at least to the idea that SD doesn't have to be the only setting for my story. I mean, even my parents flew across an ocean and settled far away from their home. We'll see what the next chapter(s) bring.
It's cool...
...to loudly bump some new rap music that I'm into while leaving work and not caring what the smokers outside or other passersby think. Or shoot, I'll even be in the grocery store with my headphones in grooving down the aisles to the new Lupe Fiasco (specifically "Letting Go")... this takes me back to when Outkast's "Hey Ya" first came out and I was driving around in my truck with the windows down, trying to be all "bad ass".
...to get a laugh from a voicemail I got from a gay guy I know who seemed to have taken an interest in me for some reason, even though I clarified that I don't swing that way but still tried being a nice guy for the most part. But because I apparently offended him (not on purpose), I was dismissed with the following gem of a quote: "...the rice cooker [insert dramatic pause] is off." WTF... I didn't know I landed in some reality dating show. Hahaha...
...to provide a link to an author's blog because his experience is something I completely relate to as a former heavy kid who still has a hard time letting go of that mindset sometimes. But as he says, "It’s true we impress people with our supposed perfections, but we connect with each other in our flaws." That Donald Miller is a cool guy. http://donmilleris.com/2011/08/26/learning-to-love-your-flaws/
...to still be daydreaming about moving out to Chicago someday and thinking about ways to make it happen. I always thought I'd settle in San Diego, but that was before this travelphobe got a taste of life in another city and found it more vibrant and beautiful than he expected. Granted, it's only been one city, and I could just be in the "honeymoon" phase still, but my eyes have been awakened at least to the idea that SD doesn't have to be the only setting for my story. I mean, even my parents flew across an ocean and settled far away from their home. We'll see what the next chapter(s) bring.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Conquered
Ever heard of Mt. Woodson?
Because I hadn't... then again, I'm a native San Diegan who grew up in a conservative bubble whose parents are scared to let him ride a bike. (But I digress.)
It's off of Lake Poway, and is a nice strenuous hike where if you make it to the top, you are rewarded with the "potato chip". Which is a piece of rock shaped like a Pringles-chip, hanging off another rock. It's not like a cliff exactly, but it is a bit of a drop if you fall off the chip.
So here is what we set out to accomplish on Saturday morning:
Here is the before picture - suns out, guns out, hah.
A view of Lake Poway at the beginning of our journey...
The sun was out in full force, and we were hiking into it, and this being a hike up a mountain, the incline + heat made for a tiring sweaty journey. True to my long distance runs, the first part always sucks the most, and then in the middle, my mind starts going "let's do this" and wants to get it done. But the newbies I was with needed a little more time to rest and breathe, and to take pictures. Like with this rock formation:
I shall call it "Butt Rock".
Anyways, it sucked because as we climbed higher, we kept expecting to see it, only to be thwarted by another sign saying it was 1.1 miles away. But we made it! Seeing the chip in person, it was smaller than expected. But still a chore to get up on. Been wanting to go rock climbing, so I got to do a little of that so that I could take pictures like this:
I'm a wee-little man.
You can see that the chip juts off another rock, but while it may look like it from that picture, that bigger rock isn't directly underneath the chip. You look down and see a drop. Not as scary as the Skydeck from the Sears Tower, but still.
Rawk.
Anyways, we conquered it. It took us 5 hours to hike up and back, so just as long as a marathon run. My friend Suzy (center) did her first "plank" shot on that chip, so when I go back again (because I most likely will sometime in the near future), I'll have to copy. (Sidenote: when did I become somewhat outdoorsy endurance man? It's cool and strange at the same time.)
Because I hadn't... then again, I'm a native San Diegan who grew up in a conservative bubble whose parents are scared to let him ride a bike. (But I digress.)
It's off of Lake Poway, and is a nice strenuous hike where if you make it to the top, you are rewarded with the "potato chip". Which is a piece of rock shaped like a Pringles-chip, hanging off another rock. It's not like a cliff exactly, but it is a bit of a drop if you fall off the chip.
So here is what we set out to accomplish on Saturday morning:
Here is the before picture - suns out, guns out, hah.
A view of Lake Poway at the beginning of our journey...
The sun was out in full force, and we were hiking into it, and this being a hike up a mountain, the incline + heat made for a tiring sweaty journey. True to my long distance runs, the first part always sucks the most, and then in the middle, my mind starts going "let's do this" and wants to get it done. But the newbies I was with needed a little more time to rest and breathe, and to take pictures. Like with this rock formation:
I shall call it "Butt Rock".
Anyways, it sucked because as we climbed higher, we kept expecting to see it, only to be thwarted by another sign saying it was 1.1 miles away. But we made it! Seeing the chip in person, it was smaller than expected. But still a chore to get up on. Been wanting to go rock climbing, so I got to do a little of that so that I could take pictures like this:
I'm a wee-little man.
You can see that the chip juts off another rock, but while it may look like it from that picture, that bigger rock isn't directly underneath the chip. You look down and see a drop. Not as scary as the Skydeck from the Sears Tower, but still.
Rawk.
Anyways, we conquered it. It took us 5 hours to hike up and back, so just as long as a marathon run. My friend Suzy (center) did her first "plank" shot on that chip, so when I go back again (because I most likely will sometime in the near future), I'll have to copy. (Sidenote: when did I become somewhat outdoorsy endurance man? It's cool and strange at the same time.)
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Thoughts from 30,000 Feet
(written from the plane)
Monday night, no idea what time it is exactly or over what state we're flying over, but I think we have about 2 hours left to go... which gives me time to recap the last two days, which were pretty mellow.
Monday night, no idea what time it is exactly or over what state we're flying over, but I think we have about 2 hours left to go... which gives me time to recap the last two days, which were pretty mellow.
Day 6 - Sunday
I planned on spending the day alone and tending to my own adventures again. I even did my research and found an evening church service to check out that appealed to my Flood/Mosaic sensibilities. But per their wishes, I ended up joining the family for an AM service at a church that's (by my accounts) 50% larger than SD's The Rock (which is plenty huge as it is) - and I'm not a fan of mega-churches. Turns out they had a special service interviewing Blake Mycoskie - the founder of the shoe company TOMS.
I knew the gist of TOMS - that for every pair of shoes purchased, the company provides a new pair of shoes to a child in need in a third-world country. But it was interesting to hear Blake's story about what motivated him to do this, how it felt to personally place the shoes on a child's feet, and see how passionate he was about providing this basic need and the impact it would have on a child's life. If you're not familiar with them, you can read all about the company on their site: www.toms.com
With the shoe aspect thriving (they've given out their 1 millionth pair), they had recently branched out to sunglasses, where the same One for One concept would apply. For every piece of eyewear purchased, they would give the gift of sight to someone in need (whether via glasses or a type of surgery). As we were exiting the sanctuary, my cheap pair of sunglasses we bought for the trip broke. And since TOMS products were available in the church lobby, my mom joked that maybe this was a sign from God, haha. And (to my delight) she offered to buy me a pair.
Later on in the afternoon, we walked around the Lincoln Park Zoo, which is a nice free zoo but does not compare to the San Diego Zoo. (Point for SD.)
After the zoo, I convinced the group to stop by this well-reviewed cupcake place nearby, Molly's Cupcakes. I love the idea of this place. You have your standard specialty cupcakes on display, but you could also design your own (cake + frosting + toppings). The Yelpers were right, they were really good, much better than Sprinkles for sure. As I exited, I noticed this sign in their window and thought it was awesome.
Day 7 - Monday: The Return
As for today, I ventured back downtown by myself one last time. I wanted to visit Wicker Park and sitting in a coffee shop with my book and laptop in tow, but that didn't happen. I did check out the Museum of Contemporary Photography, picked up some trinkets for a few people, and then ended up buying TOMS shoes for myself. So comfortable.
And that's about it for this trip. It was great to experience the life of another city for a week. I've been a travel-phobe, so this was a nice step out of my comfort zone. It's definitely planted the questions of "do I want to stay in San Diego?" and "where else do I wanna check out?" I've got NYC in October, and who know what the next traveling adventures may be. London? The Philippines? Greece? Peru? To be continued...
Sunday, August 28, 2011
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